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"I don't want to die, Martin. I am afraid. I wish I had more time. But I decided I am more afraid of spending my last days, weeks, months in fear. What I am doing now is wonderful. I am spending time with my parents, with Pamela. I especially like this with you. I used to be horribly embarrassed to tell a boy I liked him."She lifted my hand and kissed the palm. Then she turned it and pressed it against her check, closing her eyes like a contented cat."I don't have time for embarrassment any more. I probably don't have the time to find a boy, flirt with him, go out a few times, break up, and so on until I find a boyfriend. So I am intensely grateful to Pamela, and to you," she kissed my palm again, and let go of my hand, "for making my dream come true. I am as happy as I've ever been in my life. If I was more poetically inclined, I would probably write something about how the brevity of time makes the pleasure more intense. But as I am a science geek, I'd rather spend the time in. Mostly I just caught up on world events and waited. I couldn't do muchuntil I existed as a person again. I knew the legal process to do thatwould take some time.Over the next few weeks, I visited bars every night. Many wouldn't letme in. Some quickly kicked me out. Some of the seedier ones welcomed mein. Most nights, I returned to the hotel full and well satisfied. Mypile of cash slowly built. Shopping in the daytime was rough. My sluttyappearance made most people treat me with disdain. Or lust. Or acombination of the two. Cab rides were always uncomfortable. It washard to get into and out of a cab in my hobble skirt and tall heels.Most rides had several near misses with death. Seems the driverscouldn't keep their eyes on the road.Several of the seamstresses I contacted had availability. I tried oneof them. I struggled out of the cab. I strutted to her front door. Sheopened the door. She took one look at me, said "nope, not going tohappen," and shut the door in my face. Discouraged, I.
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